[Kim Seong-kon] What does getting old mean?

We all grow old as time goes on. In T. S. Eliot’s poem, “The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock,” the narrator laments, “I grow old … I grow old … /I shall wear the bottoms of my trousers rolled.”

It may never occur to young people that they will become old and wrinkled someday. Surely, however, they too will age, and their bodies will eventually decline. Indeed, growing old is an inevitable course of human life.

What, then, does “getting old” mean? When objects age, they become dysfunctional or broken, and thus useless. We throw them away unless they are valuable antiques. The same logic is often applied to humans. As we age, our bodies and minds inevitably deteriorate; as a result, we may suffer from conditions like cancer or dementia. In the end, we sadly fade away from this world. Perhaps the only way to avoid being cast aside and forgotten is to become a memorable antique.

As people age, some become stubborn and obstinate, while others exhibit greed and avarice. Older individuals who hold power are prone to high-profile missteps, such as embezzling public funds or becoming embroiled in scandals with their personal secretaries. Such individuals are often viewed as "ugly old men" who ultimately lose public respect.

At the same time, there are those who remain decent and noble, caring and generous, and ready to sacrifice themselves for their children or the younger generation. Indeed, as you grow old, you should try to be of help to others rather than becoming a burden to them. If people still need you when you are old, you are truly blessed. Such individuals will always be esteemed by the young.

How society treats older generations varies significantly by country. It is often said that America is a country for the young, where youth is adored, whereas Korea is a Confucian nation where the elderly are respected. However, senior citizens often seem to receive more practical respect in American society than in Korea.

In America, society actively protects older people because they are recognized as weak and vulnerable. When flu season arrives, for example, senior citizens are prioritized for upgraded vaccines. When the pandemic hit the country, supermarkets and discount department stores offered designated “senior shopping hours” so they could buy groceries comfortably. The US government also provides affordable housing for senior citizens with low to medium incomes.

On the contrary, older people in Korea frequently complain that they are treated as useless, “surplus citizens.” In contemporary Korean society, the young seldom seem to respect the elderly because they are no longer viewed as powerful or useful. Furthermore, the Korean government imposes heavy property tax burdens on retirees who no longer have an active income, simply because they own an apartment in southern Seoul. The National Health Insurance Service, too, similarly levies high medical insurance fees on senior citizens without regular income if they own property and a vehicle. Given the circumstances, I applaud Incheon Airport for recently opening a fast-track security lane for senior citizens, a highly thoughtful initiative.

It is well known that young American couples get a divorce if they find they are incompatible. However, older American couples tend to care deeply for one another and rarely separate. As the saying goes, “If you spend a few decades together, something blooms that is more than just love.” Indeed, older Americans seem to appreciate each other's presence and enjoy true companionship in the twilight of their marriage.

In Korea, the divorce rate among young couples is relatively low compared to their American counterparts. However, domestic news reports show that older couples are increasingly breaking up — a phenomenon now termed “twilight divorce.” One major reason is that they feel they no longer need each other in old age. Husbands are no longer the primary breadwinners, and wives no longer carry their youthful beauty. Consequently, they view their spouse as no longer useful, while belatedly confronting long-standing incompatibility.

Nevertheless, we cannot judge a person by their usefulness alone. Despite frequent arguments, older couples should not forget the youthful days when they first fell in love. At the 2026 international sijo contest sponsored by the Sejong Cultural Society in Chicago, 917 submissions from 80 countries brightened the occasion. Among the entries, I came across an intriguing sijo, or Korean classical poem, that beautifully depicted the flickering yet persistent romance of an aging couple: “His toothpaste is crushed in the middle; hers is rolled tight as a scroll. /Forty years, one sink, one mirror; small wars over the missing cap. /Yet the cap sits in her pocket; she likes him searching.”

Getting old is not necessarily a sad journey if you can still be of service to others or have a devoted spouse by your side. Moreover, looking back upon your past, you realize you have accumulated so many beautiful memories and precious mementoes to cherish.

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Kim Seong-kon

Kim Seong-kon is a professor emeritus of English at Seoul National University and a visiting scholar at Dartmouth College. The views expressed here are the writer's own. — Ed