“Mom, I really want to go to the costume play this weekend, you know I am really, really into it. Until now I hung around just watching the festival but this is my first time ever joining it. I’ve bought everything for that day, a violet wig, pink dress, kill-heels. Mom, can I go? Please...”
“No.”
Last week when I caught a glimpse of the evening news, I instantly froze on the spot. The anchor told a story about a murder case, which may be something that we are usually immune to, but it hit home in part because it was committed by a student attending a high school near my workplace. But also because he killed his mom and left her for eight months in her room, afterwards leading a normal life, at least on the surface, going to school and taking the SAT, etc. According to the report he confessed he killed her because he could not stand his mother’s pressure over his grades and the ensuing harsh beatings for years.
The case gave me a shock. Probably what drew me more intently to the report may be the fact that I am not only a mother of a teenager but also a teacher who has seen too many opportunity-deprived students in schools. I was wide awake deep into the night that day, thinking and thinking what kind of hell the world is dragging itself into.
The incident made me think, “What lies at the core of the problem?” It can be traced back to the traditional mindset of Korean parents who take it for granted that giving birth entails ownership ― parents have a full right to rule over kids ― unlike in the West.
On top of that many of them, sadly but truly, consider their kids a puppet on which they can put any amount of pressure at will to meet their own satisfaction. Whether they are rich or not doesn’t count that much especially on the matter of schooling their own children. Those in the higher income bracket tend to fiercely dwell on the grades of their kids because they want them to enjoy vested rights for which they themselves have weltered.
Other parents who find themselves at the marginalized periphery of society follow suit because they believe education, more specifically, mere digits ― the result of evaluating just one facet of kids’ numerous abilities ― are the only means to climb up the ladder of success.
With overall social atmosphere standing in miserable condition, I believe now couldn’t be a better time for parents to have more flexible thinking that grades are not the sole way to make a modest life and take time looking for kid’s hidden talents.
Turning to the unheard voices of students, students have lots of things to pour out their heart about. Currently most kids spend almost eight hours at school, two or three at a private institutes right after that, even going to catch-up classes on weekends: The rope is too tight to find any slack where kids can foster creativity or at least give it a go to know where to find their real interest and talents. The rope seems to be so tightened as to bare threads.
A few years back I vaguely remember having read an article saying that the number of students getting psychiatric help in a certain district far exceeded that of other less competitive areas, and that those problems seemed to center around the area characterized by the presence of too many institutes and overzealous enthusiasm for education. I construed at the time that parents’ wry way of loving their kids was beginning to take a toll on them in the end, though unintended. As things have deteriorated this far, I come to have a passing thought that it is not stressed-out students but those overenthusiastic parents who desperately need immediate help from a shrink.
Universities and companies ― another source of woe in the present vicious circle ― are on the same end of the bargain. By which I mean they both still look upon students’ grades as the foremost factor to select prospect college students and workers.
It is very encouraging, however, for banks and a small number of companies to think up ways to rid our society of the prevalent stereotype ― having a diploma as a prerequisite for landing a job.
Let’s take a quite recent example of Daewoo Shipbuilding & Marine Engineering. The company put up a recruitment notice with an ambitious plan to hire high school graduates seeking employment there. It was a heartwarming surprise to see that applications were sent from more than 3,000 students, among whom were students from foreign language and science high schools. It is everybody’s guess what they have been through to win over their parents opposing vehemently their immature (as they thought) ambitions, asserting that Korea is still educational background-oriented and will be for the coming decades as well.
I really want to give them a big hand on their bravery and enlightened thought. I also hope the hiring trend of this kind will be instantly contagious, almost to the point where the glass ceiling for high school graduates is completely shattered, raining down on the parents’ overblown vanity.
“Mom, can I go? Please.”
“Yes.”
By Lee Nam-hee
Lee Nam-hee, who holds an MA in translation from Korea University-Macquarie University postgraduate translation and interpreting program, teaches English at Jayang High School in Gwangjin-gu, Seoul. ― Ed.
