Kim, a 25-year-old corporate worker, often wonders if others are living better lives than her.
She thinks about who might be making more money, getting better recognition at work or more opportunities.
When Kim feels she’s falling behind her colleagues, those her age job-wise or in her love life, she feels blue and uneasy.
“I’m grateful for what I have -- working at a large conglomerate, being raised in a good family and graduating from a prestigious school. But everything always looks better from afar when we don’t know the story of how other’s grass turned out so green,” she told The Korea Herald.
“At one point, fear of lagging behind others entered my concerns, and I started comparing myself with others,“ she said.
Kim is not alone. Yoon, who wished to be referred to by her family name only, 62, is coping with living a quieter life now that her children have left home.
“My two sons -- both in their 30s now -- spent their late teens and early 20s studying abroad, so I couldn‘t spend much time with them. But now that they have landed jobs after they’ve returned to Korea, they live alone and are thinking about making their own families. I find it difficult to adjust to moving on and letting them leave my ‘nest,’“ she said.
“I started taking antidepression medication and moved back into my parent‘s house for a month to ease my anxiety and depression, which did help in letting go of the feelings of sadness and loss of purpose,“ she added.
A 16-year-old second-grade high schooler surnamed Nam also started taking antidepressants recently due to parental pressure regarding her academic performance.
“My dad and grandfather relentlessly tell me to study to wrap up 12 years of schooling with getting into a prestigious university, and that my goals should be scoring better on tests than my friends and becoming a teacher’s pet for good grades. That’s how my years of bottled-up stress exploded,” she said.
The three are among many South Koreans coping with mental health problems and illness. Seven out of 10 people have dealt with serious mental health challenges, such as severe stress and ongoing depression, last year, according to data released by the National Center for Mental Health in July.
The survey was conducted on some 3,000 people aged between 15 and 69. Of the respondents, 46.3 percent of them said they were coping with “extreme stress,” compared to 36 percent in 2022, while 40.2 percent were grappling with “recurring depression.”
Such concerning data has pushed the government to step up. President Yoon Suk Yeol said that the government would take responsibility during a Cabinet meeting in August last year, stressing the gravity of the issue.
Four months later, the government rolled out its first-ever detailed state policy aimed at tackling ailing mental health, which included offering mental health checkups every two years for Koreans aged 20 to 34 and other counseling services tailored to all age groups.
In June this year, Yoon reiterated that the government will expand systemic support for mental health services encompassing prevention, treatment and recovery to assist those in need and detect depression and anxiety at an early stage during a meeting of the presidential committee on mental health policy.
Most depressed country
Behind South Korea’s dynamic and vibrant culture lie a myriad of people struggling to cope with the pressure and stress of a hyper-competitive society, according to experts. They point to a deeply-rooted culture that encourages people to compare themselves with others constantly to gauge where they stand.
In a video uploaded by American self-help author Mark Manson titled “How South Korea Became the Most Suicidal Country in the World,” he referred to the country’s unique blend of Confucianism and capitalism for Korea‘s high rates of mental illness, not to mention its education system that centers on studying hard and doing well.
The author said that forcing people to go all in on what they are good at and then applying intense social pressure and competition to squeeze as much excellence out of them as possible has proven effective while creating psychological fallout.
“They are judged constantly and harshly as part of their Confucian values. The problem is that Koreans also live under immense pressure to perform as individuals,” he explained in the video.
Peter Jongho Na, assistant professor of psychiatry at Yale School of Medicine, likened Korea’s competitive nature to a treadmill, where there’s no room for resting or slowing down.
“Life in Korea, where society forces endless competition, was too difficult and burdensome for me. I began to think of our society as a high-speed treadmill, where any hesitation can cause one to be pushed off,” he wrote on his blog.
“Once you get pushed off, it becomes extremely challenging to get back on the treadmill without a great deal of effort or luck,” his post continued, explaining that catching up to the rest of the group requires significant effort if you fall behind.
Lim Myung-ho, a psychology professor at Dankook University, echoed that the deeply rooted East Asian Confucian culture, which often compares individuals and groups based on their achievements, educational status and adherence to a single set of collective social norms, has led to immense pressure and stress.
“To an extent, Korean society is structured to encourage bragging, and that makes people green with envy, eventually thrusting them into chasing the material comforts of life,” Lim told The Korea Herald.
For example, in Korean society, there are a set of unspoken standards to measure one’s success, such as the size of the apartment you live in, which company you work for, how well your kids are doing, or even which brand of clothes you wear, Lim explained.
Trying to meet this single set of standards eventually leads to increased anxiety and reduced happiness. In the worst cases, it can lead to depression and greater risk of suicide, he said, citing the country’s high suicide rates.
In the UN-backed 2024 World Happiness Report, South Korea ranked 52nd out of 143 countries surveyed -- the seventh-lowest in the Organization for Economic Cooperation and Development. Another report in 2022 showed that South Korea had the highest suicide rate among OECD members, where the number of suicides per every 100,000 South Korean nationals came to 25.2.
Chasing wrong things
In particular, Yoo Seung-chul, a professor in the Division of Communication and Media at Ewha Womans University, stressed that social media use can increase the risk of depression.
Yoo noted the fear of missing out when one realizes that one can’t match others’ lifestyles.
“People don’t post or boast about the dull things in their lives, but instead present only a selective truth to show others that they are doing much better than others. Those could promise greater satisfaction but don’t deliver,” Yoo told The Korea Herald.
He pointed out that people are using social media platforms like Instagram and TikTok to share positive aspects of their lives by creating content with images and videos, fueling feelings of depression, anxiety and even isolation.
Huh Chang-deog, a sociology professor at Yeungnam University, underscored that Korean society lacks “diverse values.” People often end up believing that happiness comes from having a life that appears perfect to others.
For example, children are forced to compete with their peers in an endless competition to be one of the few outstanding students to get into medical school, according to Huh.
“But do we all need to be doctors just because that‘s what everyone else wants to do? People should have the courage to step outside the box and embrace different perspectives and ways of life. And that could potentially reduce feelings of depression and unhappiness,” Huh noted.
“In the end, true happiness comes from living by one’s own values and embodying those values in daily life. Happiness is not far away once you become independent from the standardized goals set by society and people.”
If you’re thinking about self-harm or suicide, contact the Ministry of Health and Welfare’s helpline at 109, available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Please request a translator for English-language services.
